I am not sure how this happened! We are in the new year already!! Without knowing it, time flies and our clock is moving forward so fast. Mama is a full time mom, and when I come back home, I play with you, I eat with you, I bathe you, I read Japanese books to you and I kiss you good night and when you are ready to come out from your crib, I sleep with you. My daily routine is so full of joy and happiness, I don’t mind time flies but sometimes I want it to slow down because you are growing soooo fast!!
I feel so fortunate that I have such a happy family who supports me in any ways. You are a full of energy, healthy and happy kid. Your Papa is super funny and supportive. He always makes us laugh. That’s what I love about him and my family. We are always laughing. 😄
I wish our happiness and our health will go the long way. Happy New Year, Luca!
Luca: 16 months old
On last Saturday, when I was cleaning Nash (our cat)’s litter box in our office, Luca was playing around behind me. I wasn’t sure what he was doing but I heard some cracking sound that it wasn’t pleasant to hear. Immediately when I heard it and saw what he did, I said “ohhh noooo!” and Papa rushed and came in the office and said “what happened??” And he saw broken pieces from the Classic Car Collection case which he kept for 40 years (he wanted to hand them over to him when he appreciates it).
He yelled at me and Luca why this happened. He immediately took Luca away from me and he put him in the play-pen. Luca knows what he did. That’s why he cried so much and tried to hide behind me. I tried to tell him not to touch those Papa’s toys but I guess how I said was soft, not strong enough.
I know I don’t scold Luca strong enough because I know Papa scolds him enough everyday. I don’t want to give too much stress on Luca’s early life. He is only 16 months. However I see in Luca’s eyes that I’m the soft one, Papa is the scary one. I don’t need to be the another scary one but I still need to discipline him. He needs to respect me and listen what I have to teach him.
So I decide myself to be consistent and tell what is right and what is not right with deeper voice (apparently some studies show that a child won’t listen to someone who teach him in high pitch voice.) and serious eyes. I have to look into his eyes and tell him “no”, simple instruction. It has been for a few days since I started doing this and it looks like it working on him. Sometimes he does something that is not supposed to be happening but it’s too funny to me. I just can’t help myself but laugh. I debate myself should I laugh or not but I’m a human being too. I have to laugh when I want to laugh. Discipline can come next… I have to be easy on myself otherwise I will get stressed out. That’s not good. Be easy to make my life easy! 😀
Anyway, it’s not easy to discipline Luca since he is a human being too and I want to respect that. Hopefully I don’t overthink what the discipline about and we can corporate each other.
On last Thursday 21st of April, Prince passed away at age 57. Probably you would say “who is Prince?”. Prince is one of the legends in Music industry (he had won 7 Grammys). His type if music is R&B, He had created a lot of hit songs from 80s and I used to love his songs when I was young like “Let’s Go Crazy”, “Cream”, “Raspberry Beret” , “Delirious” etc. My mom used to say “Turn the music off! It’s not appropriate for you!” I don’t know if I thought he was “sexy” man at my age but I sure loved his up beat music.
We just lost David Bowie a couple months ago too. He was another music legend but in different type of music. I have more memories with Prince than David Bowie. Anyway when I hear those music artists who were popular in my teenage era, I feel so melancholy. My mind goes through with so many memories. Hope, love, dream… A lot of things were in my mind but I was the type of kid that wasn’t able to express myself the way I wanted to. I didn’t know how. I think I was raised in very reserved way which is typical in Japanese culture.And I knew I didn’t feel myself in it. And somehow I always admired and was inspired by foreign culture and I knew I wanted to spend my life elsewhere, not in Japan. And I always admired United Kingdom and wanted to live there. I loved the accent, loved the royal family, loved the sophisticated culture (the idea of UK is all coming from the movies I watched: A Room with A View, Maurice, Another Country… It’s all like in 1920s, not 1980s. Lol). I loved (and still love) British music more than American music. I thought this was the country I was going to live in.
At age 16, some of my friends started to join a study abroad program. Once they told me about it, I thought “that is it. That is the chance I have to take”. It was very difficult to convince my parents and make them understand how important this would be for my life. They didn’t take it seriously and told me to pass the exam first. If I would pass, then they would consider if I should go or not. So I took two different programs’ exams. Writing essays, and interviews. The results were… passed on both of them! My parents were so shocked to know that how serious I was and passed the tests. So my dad agreed and let me go to … United States. I am not sure why I chose United States instead of UK when I loved the country so much and I am pretty sure I had an option to choose. I still look back and think what happened to that decision. Lol I think overall the cost was so much cheaper in US comparing to UK. My parents couldn’t afford to send me to Europe. I think that was why.
So here I am. After 20+ years, I am still in US.
The story of what I have been through in the 20+ years will be another story for another time. 😊
By living in such an open, expressive country, I think people taught me how to express myself more and that changed me so much in many positive ways. I still dream about wanting to live in Europe occasionally but at this age, it would be difficult to change the environment. I met friends that I can call them best friends, I have a secured job, and I have a family. Am I giving up my true dream? I don’t know. Maybe. But the most important thing is if I am happy or not in the current moment. To answer to the question, yes I am. Because I have you in my life. 😊❤️
Lately, when I try to change your diaper, you get so restless. You are so curious your surroundings and don’t let me change it peacefully. You let your papa change it fine though. So I want to figure why and how to change it without the fuss.
First of all, I might not giving you some fun stuff when and while I change it. I take it very seriously and your papa doesn’t. It seems like you laugh more with him than when you are with me. So I’m trying to change that. Making you more laugh and giving you some fun stuffs while you are on the changing table. I even give you multiple pacifiers and make you in “Pacifier Paradise”! Lol and this seems to be working! You were so quiet and let me change it peacefully.
It has been a couple days since I figured the “Pacifier Patadise” and we were happy together… Until this morning.
You had a poo in the diaper and you were fine with Paradise but once I tried to pull some wipes out, the Paradise system was broken. You wanted to roll around and grab the wipes box with poo on your behind. I panicked a little bit and tried to wipe your butt as soon as I could but you sat on the table and poo was everywhere. I was frustrated and upset. And I threw a tantrum without thinking. And right after that, you looked scared and copied my tantrum.
Do you know how I felt so bad right after I saw you copied me? I noticed you have been getting upset when your things didn’t go the way you wanted to. And I realize that you are just copying me (or papa).
I am sorry, Luca. I will try not to throw a tantrum again. I have to make sure I need to make a calm environment for you.
Look at your precious face. Discipline is important but not tantrum. Tantrum is not a good way of communication, and I don’t want you to learn that. I reflect on that.
Solid food: potato, turkey, tomato, green peas, green beans, zucchini, yogurt,apple, banana, pear, watermelon, mango
You finally turned to 9 months this week. Happy 9th month! You are getting bigger and bigger in my eyes. We just visited your Pediatrician Dr. Brown and he told us you are a healthy grown man. 😄 Your growth is 5 percentile but that’s ok. You just have my gene… 😊 (Oh btw, you had Hepatitis B shot and Anemia test today. The test came out good)
Lately I started to realize you notice color of red more than any other color. In Japanese, the word “baby” is translated to “aka chan” which means baby but directly translated to “Little Red”. In scientific research, babies tend to pick color of red more than yellow or blue. I forget why but that is why they are called “Little Red”. So it makes sense that you pick toys with red color. Maybe this is your personal preference but it could be natural phase too that other babies would go through. I thought it’s very interesting. Is any baby going through this phase?
In 3 hours, 2015 will be over. Boy, time flies and so many things happened in this year.
Time and all the challenges God gave me this year (I am not a religious person but I do believe some kind of power up there) made me so strong and I can’t even compare to myself last year. Thank you so much and I hope I can grow more from my upcoming experience in 2016.
I can’t wait to spend more time with my beloved son and his Papa. I love both of them very much and I have to be thankful for his Papa that giving me such a great support for my spirit. He gave me a power to go through this hard stage in personal and professional life. I probably couldn’t go through and made it without him.
I can’t believe 2015 will about to be over. This year is my best year I’ve ever been in.
I don’t know what is coming next in 2016 but I know for sure it will be a great year as well!
Today, I’m going to talk about my work, not much about you Luca.
I’ve been so stressed out lately for this project that I am in at my work right now. It is a huge project and I am one of the main guys that everyone kind of depend on. If I don’t finish a task, nobody can go forward. It doesn’t sound productive but this project is in a special case that doesn’t happen that often.
I am a front end engineer at this one HR tech company. I am belong to Mobile team at this moment (for 3 years!) and we are changing the look of our mobile app. It has been about a month and a half since this project has been started and we have 4 more weeks to go.
Long story short, after I discussed about my issue and this project, my boss mentioned an interesting point: I tend to overplease people.
My time is limited, super limited. I work 7 hours a day instead of 8 hours because I pump twice a day and I need to feed you at lunch time so I can’t really spend my lunch at my desk anymore. Before I had you, when people asked me to do extra work, I took it without questioning them if it’s really necessary right at this moment. I’ve never said no to people ‘s request. Because I want to make them happy, I want to help them so then I feel happy and I could stay longer at my office if I needed more time. But now my another responsibility is waiting for me at home at 515pm. That means no overtime, no more extra work. I tend to do same thing as before my pregnancy with shorter amount of time. No wonder I was running behind of my schedule. Lol
You would think it’s helping people when you say yes to their requests but actually you are not doing any favor to yourself. They start stepping all over you too. I just need to know when to say no but with suggestion, provide other ideas so then it will be a win-win situation. This is the discussion I had with my boss.
It was a little eye-opener comment that he gave me. “Overplease people”. I have thought about it before but when I hear that from someone else’s mouth, it sounded different and it shocked to me.
But you know what got me through this stressful week(s)? Your smile, Luca and the face when you are sleeping. You just give me so much of joy that as soon as I see your face and see your smile, I just forget what I’ve gone through on that day. I am so thankful that God chose us and let me and your papa to have the responsibility to raise you. I love you very very much. ❤️
Love List: pacifier, pacifier and pacifier, ba ba (my boobies), bath, blah blah (a bear stuffed animal), a wheel toy, Happy, Nash, jumping, crawling, Papa and Mama (of course❤️) and more pacifier…
Luca can’t leave his pacifier alone. If he finds it, he crawls to it, grab it and put it in his mouth. A month ago or so, he didn’t know which side is the right way to put it in his mouth but now since about a week ago, he started to learn which side is right way and if he finds wrong side is in his mouth, he corrects himself. I was impressed. At 6 months old, I didn’t know he has an ability to do that. I mean maybe this is average thing to do throughout other babies but I was just simply surprised what a little baby can do already.
At a nap time or night time, we use the pacifier as a tool to make him fall asleep. Usually, once it’s in, he sleeps almost right away. Once we found that out, we started to depend on the pacifier… Now he is 6 months old, and teeth might be coming out soon (I don’t see anything yet though), we should start thinking when to wean it out. It will be tough task for all of us probably though. His papa and I tend to be nervous a little when we are going out somewhere without having a pacifier. One time his papa said “Gosh, where are all the pacifiers (we had about 5 of them at that time)? Can you buy a few more?” So I did. Now we have about 12. Lol We just wanted to make sure we have at least a couple of them at every parts in our house. I guess that’s crazy… But what can we do? I wonder Luca himself gets crazy if he can’t find it at all…
So the question is… When do we have to start thinking about wean it out…? Scary thing to think about. 😐😟😅
Today was my birthday. Your papa was planning to celebrate for me but unfortunately he got sick, a stomach pain. He was having a fever and chills so we had to stay home. We were planning to take you to your God mother’s house and ask her to watch you for a few hours but since your papa didn’t feel so good, you ended up spending a time with me more. 😄
At the beginning, I thought I was unfortunate not to be able to celebrate on my birthday however when I turn my mind around, I got to spend more time with you on my birthday so I should feel lucky.
Instead of going a restaurant or shopping, I just took myself out to a nail salon and did my pedicure. That was my day.
Btw, your papa gave me a diamond ring candle as a birthday gift. The candle is supposed to contain a ring with a special code. When you enter the code, you find out if you might won a $100, $1000, or $5000 ring. I thought this was like a lottery ticket. Your papa bought me a dream. And the result was… I didn’t win anything. Whaa whaaa. Lol My dream just popped… 😕
Seems like he is still sick. I don’t think we are going out after all. I’ve never had one birthday not celebrating. I feel really sad. Can I turn my mind around and think positive? Probably. I hope he will get better and he can eat what he wants.
While you are sleeping, I watch your face and think how peaceful your sleeping face is. Sometimes you smile, I don’t know what you are dreaming about but that makes me feel so happy that I am raising you with good heart as a good parent. Not giving you unpleasant feeling in any way.
Since you are born, I have been trying to give you a joy every single day. One day when you are going to have discretion, I have to teach you right things on moral, integrity, manner/etiquette, respect etc. but before that, I the one have to act right so then I can be your role model. I don’t think I have bad etiquette, bad moral, disrespect anyone or anything but this is the good opportunity to look back and improve myself to be a better person. And I hope I can answer your “why?” questions regards to the sociality.
I shouldn’t expect too much and give you a pressure. That is not my intention. However, I wish you to be a good, thoughtful, and respectful person. I hope you will learn your best from us. 😄